Week Two:

I will premise this week’s post by saying, I adore Nutsa. But she’s a tad bit hypocritical.Are You The One Season 7 CR: Brian Bielmann/MTV

Nutsa:  “I don’t care what Bria says, I will do whatever I want. I like Zak. If I want to kiss him, I’ll kiss him.”

Morgan flirts with Zak.

Nutsa crying: “How can you do that to me?!? You knew I liked him!”

Hypocrisy is part of the game, especially when you throw a bunch of beautiful millennials together and make them compete for love. Nothing says love more than sneaking off to the boom boom room with a guy because you THINK he’s the one. Even though he runs around telling every woman who gives him six minutes of attention, that she is the one.

I don’t want to bad mouth Zak. I like Zak. I think Zak has mommy-issues. Men who need for attention from women (negative and positve) are usually searching for something they lacked in childhood. Since we’re on the subject of issues…

Bria, honey. You broke loose. You let him go, for like a night. Then YOU pulled him into the boom boom room. YOU did it. He wanted you, there’s no doubt. But it was all YOU.

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But don’t stand there and accuse HIM of making you look like a fool. That’s all YOU.

Don’t put yourself in a position (any position) to be let down. To be made to look like a fool. You need to let Zak go. He doesn’t want you. He’ll bang you. He’ll kiss you. He’ll make you feel good. But he will never respect you.

I sincerely hope Bria is/has done some self-relection and realizes she’s worth so much more than what Zak can offer.

Tevin & Kenya

Tevin kisses Jasmine while dancing.

Kenya takes Lewis to the Boom Boom room. (Kenya blows Lewis)

Lewis: “You hella nasty.”

Kenya confesses to Tevin on last night’s episode.

Tevin:  You’re still my girl.tev_ken

Is this true love?

They did sit at the first two match-ups. There were 3 BEAMS.

Here are my possible matchups:

Cam & Kayla

Shamoy & Maria

Tevin & Kenya!?!

Bonus: Daniel & Nutsa.

We all know 3 beams, 2 weeks in a row, means NADA! They could be 3 different beams both weeks…or are they?

Fate Button issues.

As suspected, the fate button is going to be an issue. Randomly selecting four people to go on a date is fine. Forcing the housemates to get to know each other helps the game. But sending two of these random ass people to the truth booth – not cool!  How will they ever be able to determine a match if it’s just by chance?

I don’t know what the odds of two people being randomly selected by the fate button who actually are a match, but I know it’s crazy high. At least with the comps, they could throw it so a certain couples wins and is sent to the truth booth.

Makes me wonder if this is yet another way to screw up strategic play.

I say BOOOOO to that.

Here’s my updated spreadsheet for week 2. The couples who sat together both weeks are in red. My possible matches are in yellow. Really, I think Shamoy and Maria, Cam & Kayla are the only real possibilities.  At first, Tevin & Kenya were are hard no, but now I’m not sure. Tevin is really, really forgiving. For a player to be that cool with his girl giving oral pleasure to another dude, it must be true love.

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I can’t wait to go back to Texas!  <—-Words this Cali girl never thought she’d say.

Seriously. Growing up in California is like being raised in North Korea. We are taught that California is the BEST state. People born in other states are, well, unfortunate and sad. California is the most visited state in the union. Our economy is 4th in the word.

In. The. World.

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I’ll have some Sway Butter at the signing!

When a Californian ventures out to other areas of the country, we never plan to find anywhere close to being as cool as us.

This was my mindset. During the 90’s and early 2,000’s in San Francisco there was a HUGE insurgence of east coasters flocking to the west. The only reasonable explanation for this mass migration was clear. We rule.

In my mind and heart, there was not a single state that could hold a candle to Cali.

Then I went to Chicago.  In a lot of ways it reminded me of home. It was fall so the weather was good, but it wasn’t the “fly-over” state I assumed it would be. There was culture and shopping and a large body of water. I was impressed.

Chicago was okay in my book…until I went to New York.

Holy Shit.

NYC is like San Francisco on crack. Constant movement. Places to go. Food to eat. People to watch. Warm, muggy, dirty rain and trash filled streets. Broadway musicals, midnight pizza. New York was my soul mate.

Me, a california girl in love with New York city. What the fuck.

To date, NYC is still one of my top vacays ever.

Until fate brought me to Texas. Mother fucking Texas.

Flat land as far as the eye can see.

Good meat. Better Tequila. Really nice people.

It’s hot as hell. Not figuratively. Like literally.

Texas kind of rocks. It isn’t the night life or the food, or Bucee’s beaver nuggets.

It’s the people.

Texas people, the ones I’ve met, kind of rock.

They can drink, and sing. They have crazy accents and no appreciation for coconut milk, honey, or goat cheese. But I like them. Or as a Texan would say:

I appreciate you.

So, Texas; here I come.

 

I am so humbled by this review.

MI Book Reviews

“When his precocious daughter is accepted into a hipster private school – Theodore Sway sacrifices his ego, his morals, and his body hair so Lulu isn’t damned to a life of ramen noodles and broken dreams.

Theo takes a job at Trance; the city’s only women’s club, and soon becomes its star attraction. That still isn’t enough to pay his daughter’s tuition and the ever-rising cost of his San Francisco neighborhood. With the help of Rico, a fellow entertainer and part-time pimp; Theo earns extra cash through a series of hilarious side jobs.

Soon, Theo’s sexy stage persona becomes a liability and threatens his role as the world’s okayest dad. ”

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I got an ARC in return for an honest review on NetGalley.

Can we start on that cover. If that hunk is supposed to be Sway, no wonder all the ladies are going nuts for him. The detail of…

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Good news!  My query is done! Cost: $50

After a slight delay, I finally hooked up with my editor/query godmother. She asked me to send her what I had. I wasn’t sure what that meant. So, I sent her a bunch of random notes and jibberish. I sent her a big pile of crap. This editor had already edited the first draft of my book, so she had some insight. This was the starting off point.

First Draft: She sent a great letter back, it was clear and concise, but it was written for a different story. I forgot to tell her that I did a lot of rewrites since the original draft. Although her query was great, the story had changed.

You must have a clear understanding of what your book is about. If you don’t, you cannot write an effective query.

First Edit: I attempted to rewrite the query using her outline with the updated story facts. I pinpointed every god forsaken “big” moment in the book. Explained why things happened. Where things went. It was long. So long. I turned my query into a synopsis. Good news is, I know how to write a synopsis.

The query should consist of 2-3 paragraphs outlining major plot points. Do not include backstory or explain character relationships in detail. 

Second Draft: She sends back notes on the difference between a query and a synopsis.

A query is a brief explanation of your book. It does NOT disclose the ending. You want to hook the agent. Make him/her want to read your book.

A synopsis is an outline of your story, it can be 2-10 pages depending on the genre you write. (Fantasy requires more detailed explanation than romance.) It should disclose all major plot points, twists, and the ending. This is also an opportunity for agents to get a feel for your writing. Don’t take synopsis writing lightly!

Second Edit: I cut the synopsis down to just facts, no details, and made it a query again. A cliff notes version of the cliff notes version of the story. It’s the hook. The one line under the book at a bookstore. It’s the elevator pitch.

A query should answer the question every writer hates: What’s your book about? 

Final Draft:  She sent the letter back with a big “I love it!” She made no changes, it was just a matter of cleaning up typos etc… Which were many.

Please. Please. Edit your letter! If you have typos and grammar errors in a query, many agents will not even open your manuscript.

 

In the end, I probably wrote 90% of the letter myself, but I never would have gotten from point A to B without her help. I just needed a push or the comradery. The deadline. Volleying back and forth with her was worth every penny. It helped me put my thoughts in order and her knowledge of editing kept the letter clean and professional.

For most of us, writing is a solitary endeavor. Editing shouldn’t be.

 

I’ve been an indie author for just over a year now. I’ve sent 4 books into the world and I’ve learned a few things along the way. Recently, people have asked me about my experiences in self-publishing so I thought I’d share some insight. I’m a workshop and conference junkie. I attend them in person and online. I want to pass some of that very expensive knowledge onto you.

#1 Rule in Self-Publishing:  Hire an editor. For the love of God, hire a professional to edit your work. I cringe when I think about the work I queried back in the day. I sent out unedited, backstory riddled, middle-school level pieces of crap. It’s no wonder I didn’t get signed. Knowing what I know now – they probably didn’t even get past the query letter. There are programs like Grammarly that are useful as a tool before you send to the editor. It is NOT something I suggest you use AS your editor.

#2 Less is More: Tell your story in as few words as possible. The first draft of Thizz was 120,000 words. To put that in perspective – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was only 77,000 and we all know how big that book is. Once I weeded out the backstory (see #4) and fluff, everything came together. This is going to be very hard for you, but it really makes the story cleaner and easier to read.

An example: As I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house. I had two things on my mind – Paul Newman and a ride home.

You learn two things from this opening line. He was at the movies during the day and he’s walking home.

Bad example: I step out into the bright sunlight, its warmth coddling me like a hug from my mother. I squint against the cloudless sky giving my eyes time to adjust after being in the darkness of the movie house all afternoon. I glance down the somewhat empty street thinking about Paul Neman and the long lonely walk home.

Too many descriptions pull you from the story. The reader knows its daytime from the first line. Unless the cloudless sky is about to be filled with alien ships then it’s just fluff. A little fluff if okay, just use it sparingly.

Tip: Leave some things to the imagination. Some readers like a lot of description and some don’t. I personally skip over stuff like that. Especially, deep into a book. By page 210 I don’t need to know that she’s wearing her favorite pink sweatpants, the ones she bought at the mall the day after Christmas, as she curls up on her sofa to eat Cheetos and watch the Bachelor.

Note: An average romance or young adult novel is 50,000 -90,000 words. 90k is a big book. Thizz is just under 90k, about 327 pages at 9 x 6. (Yes, I cut 30,000 words from my first draft. It hurt. A lot.)

#3 Always move forward: Backstory is for the author not the reader. If something that happened in the past is relevant to the plot, then work it into the story. If you have to tell something in retrospect, keep it short and to the point. We don’t need details about clothing or the color of carpet unless it’s relevant to the story.

An example:  I’ve been binge drinking coffee all day while planning our tenth wedding anniversary celebration. We’ve finally locked down the location so I can take a break. I rinse out my coffee mug and place it in the rack to dry, recalling the day my mother gave it to me. It was my eighteenth birthday, the same day I met the love of my life. He worked as a busboy at my favorite restaurant. Their tacos are the best in town, which makes it the perfect place to have the party.

Bad example: We decided to celebrate our tenth anniversary at the restaurant where we first met. I rinse out my coffee mug, the one with the funny saying that my mother gave me for my eighteenth birthday. We had a huge party at my favorite restaurant. They have the best tacos in town. Crunchy shells and lots of cheese. My best friend and I were coming out of the bathroom after she smeared red velvet cake with cream pink cream cheese frosting on my face. I was kind of mad because the icing dripped off my chin onto my brand new white and yellow sundress with a sweetheart neckline. That was the first time I saw my husband. He was wearing a busboy uniform covered in stains. His grungy demeanor didn’t take away from his signature smile. 

The kind of cake, the dress, the cheese – all unneeded to get the point across.

#4 Never start a book (or chapter) with a dream: Or waking up. This is a HUGE pet peeve of literary agents and publishers. Dream sequences trick the reader and slow down the story. I actually had my book and a main chapter start with a dream and waking up. I removed the dream and added something like the example below. If you pull an example of an opening dream sequence and send it to me to prove that it works – It’s the exception, not the rule.

An example: I roll over and hit the snooze button on my alarm. The room spins slightly as last night’s dinner stirs in my stomach. This is the last day of my vacation I won’t waste it in bed, not alone. Time to get up and land me one of those hotties on the beach.

Bad example: I’m sitting on the beach enjoying a cold beer. A beautiful woman emerges from the water and makes her way towards me. Could it be the same woman flirting with me from across the bar last night? I squint to see her face. She’s just a few feet away and…wait a minute. What’s that sound? I’m ripped from the serenity of the beach by my alarm clock. I wake up alone in bed. The room spins slightly as I feel the steak and asparagus I had for dinner stir in my stomach. This is the last day of my vacation. Time to make my dreams a reality.

Everything goes back to less is more. When self-publishing you don’t have to adhere to as many “rules” but if you want your book to compete with traditionally published books, then you have to at least consider them.

Also – think about these things as you write your first draft, but don’t obsess over them. That’s what the second, third, and fourth draft is for!


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